So I've been alone for an embarrassingly long time. I justify this to myself by acknowledging that I'm a complete goddamn mess with no recognizable prospects. Not for lack of trying, and there was maybe a time in my mid to late 20's when I would have been able to pull it off (and one could argue that I did albeit unwittingly), but now in my mid 30's I've just fallen too fart down into a hole. This is compounded by the fact that with a few exceptions, I haven't even met anyone I've been romantically interested in in over a decade. Reconnecting with my Ex from England Jayne a while back convinced me that I didn't just hallucinate connecting with another human being before, but I dunno. I just haven't had my fire lit in a long time. Tonight I ended up in a long conversation with a girl who I think was trying to explain to me she was in an open marriage and it'd be ok if we fooled around. The conversation kinda spiraled from there to alot of other shit going on with her and when he husband eventually showed up he asked me "has she been like this all night?" So, to spare the non-existant reader of this shit (gods willing) from a long, spiralling screed about nothing, the lesson I learned tonight is that I'm not particularly special. Everyone (at least by this age) is damaged in one way, shape or form and I shouldn't keep getting so down about myself. While even if this girl WAS propositioning me (I'm inclined to think she just wanted an ear) and I didn't bite, it DID give me hope that the connection I'm looking for isn't a pipe dream.